The Abandoned
by Arctic Flame
Summary: In the battles of Mobile Suits, there must be a sacrifice of human lives. Countless lives wasted, countless souls tainted. This is the story of Clotho Bauer, pilot of the Raider Gundam, and his struggle for the humanity that was stolen from him. (Rating b
1. The Raider

Story Notes

This is the POV of one of the late-series Earth Alliance pilots. Yes, they do exist. Yes, I'm better at writing the combat stuff than I am writing the life-as-usual stuff... this will hopefully be the only chapter that I have to write this stuff in. I'll update as reviews and time allow. Please tell me what you think.

Enjoy!

**The Abandoned**

**By Arctic Flame**

_Raider._

Strange name for my mobile suit, don't you think? What does it mean, raider? One who raids? One who burns, rapes, pillages, kills?

It's eerily silent as I crush another nameless enemy with my claws. I don't know where I am... what my mission is... other than to destroy the enemy. Kill them.

_Killing?_

Somewhere, I've learned that there are people in those suits. People who aren't that different than myself, people with friends, families... why do I kill like I do?

_For that._

Without it, I can't live. It's the blood that flows through my veins, it's the food that gives my body strength. It takes over my thoughts, filling them with rage and hatred.

_Burning._

Liquid fire courses through me. It's the fire that gives me light, that gives me liberty. It's the fire that gives me strength, the strength I need to do what I do. To kill.

_But I wasn't always like this.  
_

-

"Yo, Mike!"

I glanced upwards. My hat came off my head, a direct result of a gust of wind. I cursed and slapped it back on before it could blow away. It was always breezy in my town.  
  
It turned out to be my friend, Allan. He was the kind that had a different girl on his arm every day, without fail. Well, what girl wouldn't like him? He was rich, had good looks, always wore a black leather jacket...

"Hey! How's it going?" I asked, my customary greeting for Allan.

He extended a fist, and I met it with my own. "Not bad, not bad," he said, with a wry smile. He then turned to his lady-friend for the day. "Hey, Jessie, this is my friend Mike."

I smiled at her, and then silently applauded her decision to wear a skirt on this blustery day. Allan had good eyes, indeed. I fixed my collar and flashed my best smile. "Nice to meet you, Jessie," I said, pulling all my conversational skills together. "Are you going home with Allan?"

"Nah, we're going to my house for some fun and games. Do you wanna come too?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No thanks. Have fun, you two. See ya tomorrow, Allan."

He waved and they started to walk off. I sighed and shook my head. Allan, Allan. Incurable womanizer, he was. I sighed wistfully. I've never managed to get a girlfriend, and it seemed like Allan had one at all times.

Well, it was time for me to go home. I packed up my lunch and started walking.

Birds flew overhead as I walked, but I didn't pay too much attention. There, in the distance... was that an Astray? I stopped, and looked. Yes, it was an Astray, probably going to patrol over the ocean. Thankfully, we didn't get combat here. Orb was neutral, and hopefully was going to stay neutral.

The suit flew on, getting smaller and smaller - I watched it until it was a little speck in the distance. Then I kept on walking home.

-

"In other news today, the Earth Alliance has been defeated in what some people call the battle of Jakin Due. With their outdated Mobius mobile armor, they stood no chance against ZAFT's GINNS..."

The television shut off. There was my mom, holding the remote with one hand and a frying pan with the other.

"It's supper time, Michael."

"Wait. Turn the TV back on. Please?"

"You can read the news later, and your dinner's getting cold. Come on."

I sighed and picked myself up. "Coming..."

It was a short walk to the kitchen, and I sat myself down. Mom was a great cook, and I ate a lot, as usual.

After dinner, I hopped back onto the couch and turned the news back on. There was never much on, except about the war and the energy crisis, all bad news through and through. Soon, the anchor started repeating himself, and I went to sleep.

-

I was awakened by the birds singing the next morning. A quick glance at my calendar confirmed that it was Saturday. Of course, that meant one thing.  
  
It was time to hang out with my friends!

I snuck a quick glance at the clock, and had enough time to grab a bit of cereal before I went out the door. I swear, I must've set a record for fastest morning ever.

Before I knew it, I was at the mall. They were already waiting for me, Allan, Kent, and... Jessie? Wow, she was still with Allan.

"Yo, Mike!" Allan shouted, raising his fist again. I grinned and met his with mine.

"Hey, how's it going?" I asked.  
  
Kent gave me a nod. He was the quiet one, always listening to music or staring off into space. Well, at least girls found him attractive... maybe it was his mysterious nature. Maybe it was his wicked hair-do - soft blue hair, with wickedly gelled bangs that covered one eye completely. Admittedly, we kept him along as a chick magnet.

Remember Jessie? Yeah, for some reason she wasn't disgusted with Allan last night, and decided to remain by him. Maybe his manners got better. Then again, probably not. She wasn't wearing a skirt today, which suited me fine. Her tanktop basically made up for that.

Well, now that introductions were over, it was time for Allan and I to hit the arcade. Jess insisted on going shopping with Kent, so we let them off. It was a short, boring walk there, but at the end was the reward. A new arcade machine, with the high score table still relatively fresh. Soon, we were jamming quarters in like nobody's business.

And this was how we spent the better part of an hour.

-

"Yes. Suck it, Mike!"  
  
I grunted with disgust and slammed the arcade machine. "Bloody rigged machine..."  
  
The high scores list popped up. Allan placed first, I placed second – not bad, but not good enough. The third-place score was less than half of mine, however. My line of fame was relatively safe.

"Up for a rematch?" Allan said with a smirk, flipping a quarter. He caught it and inserted it into the machine. I smirked back and did the same. Soon, we were at it again.

Missiles and bullets were flying everywhere. I picked up a gun power-up and started to blast enemies away, leaving none for him. My brute power was good, but not pretty. I racked up a third-place score. Allan didn't rank at all.

"Damn rigged machine," he grumbled.

"Come on, between the two of us, we have the top three spots on the high scores list. How about that?" I chuckled and grabbed his shoulder. "Come on, let's go. I'd hate to leave Jess with Kent for too long... who knows what'll happen?"

We had a good laugh over that one. Kent was probably having more fun staring off into space than having Jess' company. We were nearly out of the arcade, when a man tapped me on the shoulder.  
  
"Are you the ones who posted the top scores on Ryvian II?" he asked us. I turned around to see a businessman, probably in the gaming business.

"Yeah," Allan said, cracking a knuckle. "Want our autographs?"

"Sure thing," he said. He produced a business card, and gave us a pen. Allan grabbed it and signed the back of the card. I did the same. "Here you go," I said, giving it to him. "Maybe it'll be worth something later on."

"I'm sure it will," he said with a smile. He nodded at us and was off.

"Weird guy," Allan said. He shrugged and started walking again. I looked back at his figure, slowly getting smaller as he walked away from us. I sighed and ran to catch up to Allan. Strange person, indeed.

Little did I know I just signed our death certificates.

-

_Life sucks, doesn't it? _

Life sucks, but you endure – no matter how stacked the deck is, no matter how the coin flips. You struggle through hard times, and you emerge from the dark tunnel, into a world of light.

_Yeah right. _

For all my life, the game has been rigged. The die was weighted. Whenever I came close to winning, it all came crashing down, and the game started again. Well, at least I can see the end.

_I can see now._

An enemy pops up in front of me, its rifle blazing. A GINN, isn't it? Hardly a challenge at all. Well, it's in my crosshairs... my finger is on the trigger...

_I fire. _

My hammer shoots cleanly through the suit, my metal slicing through his metal, clean through the cockpit. Probably smashing the pilot's body to pieces. A second later, the suit implodes with a satisfying flash of light. In the light of the explosion, another enemy comes. And another.

_Why am I smiling? Like a dog before suppertime, waiting eagerly for its meat..._  
  
My cannons open up, shooting slugs an inch wide. My aim is perfect, and all my rounds strike home. The two suits exploded, taking their pilots with them. I exhale deeply, and I find myself smiling again, even wider.  
_  
What's happened to me?_


	2. Theft

Part 2

_Power._

From the fire comes my power. With this power, I can do anything. Kill any person, destroy any foe...

Well, that's not doing anything. That's undoing.

Kill or be killed, attack or defend, advance or retreat... why? Using all of our abilities to harm others?

Why?

There, in the distance, the white suit, one of the only things left standing in between us and victory. Foes fall before me in droves as I start to move towards him. When he's gone, then maybe I can rest...

I feel an emptiness inside me, an emptiness that can only be from the want of peace, the want of friendship... but above all, there is another emptiness inside me.  
  
The want of humanity.

--

"You did what?" Jess exclaimed.

"We're legends now," I said. "Some guy even asked for our autographs."

I took a big bite of my burger. It was routine: Allan and I hit the arcade for exactly an hour and a half, and then met back here with our other friends for lunch – a ritual unbroken for almost two years.

"Really? That's pretty good," She said.

"Isn't it? Fame and fortune follows shortly, of course," Allan said, pulling out one of his trademark un-funny jokes.

The whole room seemed to fall silent. I munched on some fries, grinning - Allan has done it again. In all likelihood, no one would talk for another five minutes. I finished my fries up, and still no one said anything. Allan looked down at his food, as did Jess. Kent stared off into space.

"Go?" Allan finally asked.

"Yeah," I said.

We all stood up and left. The sun was still high in the sky, which meant a few more hours to blow off. So, we picked a direction and started walking.

It wasn't long before we came upon a shopping plaza, less busy than usual. There didn't seem to be much there, a few clothing stores, a few furniture stores... an arcade...

"Hey, I didn't know that there was an arcade here," I said, pointing to the sign. Allan followed my finger to one of the plaza's corners. There it was, an arcade, the biggest I've ever seen.

"Holy shit," he said, "I'm going in. Who's with me?"

"You got it," I said, "Maybe we can smash another Ryvian machine, huh?"

"You guys... oh, all right, I'll go and see what these arcades are about," Jess said.

Kent nodded. With that, we were off. Sure enough, there was a brand-new Ryvian machine, but it was already taken. Apparently some sort of impromptu arcade tournament had been set up, and it was just beginning.

"Cash prize... a hundred bucks? Sweet!" Allan exclaimed, "Look at them, Mike. They suck!"

"Hundred bucks, it's all ours. Teams, huh? Hey guys, we're now a team," I said.

"What? I don't know what to do!" Jess said.

"Just push the shoot button, and you'll be alright," Allan said, giving her his reassuring smile. "How bout it?"

She nodded, as did Kent. I handed the arcade owner five bucks, and we were in. A few minutes later, the first round was over. First round matches were always quick and ugly – the boys haven't yet been separated from the men. One match lasted thirty seconds. That was ours. They slammed the machine with disgust, and left promptly.

Soon, the second round rolled around. We took our spots at our machine, and hunkered down for some serious competition.  
  
"Fight!" Bellowed the speakers, and the match started.

Right off the bat, I smacked an opponent with a missile before he could even touch his joystick. He was kneeling over, putting his drink down at the time. 1-0, us. Kent was mashing the fire button and traded hits with an opponent.  
  
Finally, hundreds of missile shots later, we were the victors for the day. The arcade manager reassured us that indeed, we would be recognized and seeded first for tomorrow's finals.

"Well then, let's get going," Allan said.

"Yeah, lets," Jess said. Something about the place seemed to freak her out.

"Hey, where's the exit?" I asked. "Wasn't it just over there?"

Well, we must've been disoriented or something, because I could've sworn that the entrance was... right...

--

It was the worst sleep I've ever had in a long, long time. Long, labored... nothing like sleeping back home. Come to think of it, one of the reasons that I enjoyed sleeping was because half a day was gone just like that.   
  
But no, this was different. It was like I felt every second of it, conscious, but unable to move or see. It seemed to last forever, hours of not seeing or feeling...

Hey, what about Allan? Was he alright? Was he with me? Kent? What about Jess? Was she ok? Where were we?

Finally, feeling started to come back to me. It wasn't a good feeling at all – first numbness, then dull pain. My limbs felt like potato sacks, and my head felt like it was hit by a GINN. It was like waking up in the morning, only to find out you've been run over by a truck, and being run over by another one.

"Wh... ahh..."

Words wouldn't come out of my mouth – apparently it wasn't working either. Even worse, real feeling was starting to return to my arms, so I could finally figure out where I was.  
  
Then, the blackness faded from my vision, and my hearing also returned.  
  
"We've got a live one."

"Then bring him up."

I was hauled upright by two sets of powerful arms, and dragged forward. I tried to move my legs, but they wouldn't respond. My feet dragged against the floor... solid metal, probably...

Finally, my vision returned, just fast enough to see metal rushing straight for my face. I hit the floor face-first, my arms unable to react fast enough to cushion the blow. Something cracked, either my nose or the metal floor... yeah, probably my nose.

"Stand up!"

That voice... not a pleasant one at all - gruff, deep, and commanding. My arms wouldn't move, and my legs still wouldn't work.

"Damn it! Stand!"

I felt a sharp pain near my chest, and I flew off the ground. I hit a wall, and came crashing down. The pain seemed to jolt my limbs back into action, and this time, I managed to break my fall with my hands. I clutched the wall for support, and stood up. Blood from my nose was starting to drip against the ground, but I didn't care. What the hell was going on?

"You, Mike Bauer, have been charged with treason," said the man who'd spoken before. I got my first glimpse of him – big man, broad shoulders and huge muscles. He also held a rifle at his waist, pointed straight at me. "Your trial is over, and your sentence is military service."

"Treason... trial? What trial?"

"You don't even remember," he said, sneering. "It doesn't matter anyways. You're far away from Orb now. We're going to Africa."

Africa? All I knew about Africa was that ZAFT had a base north of it, Gibraltar, wasn't it? Other than that, it was a pretty quiet region.  
  
"Military service?" I asked. So much was going on... why? I'd done nothing wrong... "But... Orb doesn't have-"

"Who said you were going to be fighting for Orb?" he asked, grinning.

"Welcome to the Earth Alliance."

--

_War._

What is it, but a waste of lives? No one can win. Try, try as we might...

Still, in the distance... the white suit. My target. The last symbol of peace standing between the two angered giants, ready to tear each other to pieces. But I can't think this way.

They control me, the scientists and politicians, they command me. I'm a machine, and when I fail, they'll stop maintaining me... they won't give me my liquid fire. Without it, I am nothing.  
  
With it, I am still nothing.

(TBC)


	3. Confusion

Emptiness...

Always with me, always in me... more power, more strength...

I'm done fighting now, right? The order is to retreat, today's battle done. The hangar opens, beckoning. I'm safe. I'm alive.

Alive, so I can fight again.

--

"What?" I asked. Nothing was making any sense, the way he was treating me, the blood trickling out of my face... what he was saying...

He grinned again, and shook his head. "No need to explain. Just come with me."

"Do I have a choice?" I muttered, clasping one hand over my nose to stop the bleeding. I followed him through a metal door, into another hallway.  
  
There were windows on both sides – full-length windows, no less. I looked to my left, and all I saw was blue. I really was on an airplane.   
  
"I'm sure you're really confused by now," the man said.

"No shit," I said, not even pausing to think. "What are you doing?" He didn't reply, so we kept walking. There was another door at the end of the hall, and he put his hand on the handle, turning back to look at me.

"This is where you get off. Enjoy." He opened the door and pushed me inside.  
  
"Hey, Mike!"

It was Kent, sitting down on the floor. I nodded and immediately burst out with my questions.

"Kent, what the hell is going on? Who was that?"

Kent beckoned for me to sit down. I did so, and he sighed.  
  
"How did you do? I got a broken ankle."  
  
I looked down. His foot was attached to his leg at a ninety degree angle.

"What?" I muttered.

"It stopped hurting an hour ago," he said, shrugging it off. "You don't look so bad. Broken nose?"

I was still pinching it with my fingers. I stopped, and the pain started again. It wasn't broken, just smashed. Hard.

"Nothing compared to that ankle, man. But... why?" I asked again. Kent was smart, he could come up with the answers...

"We're going west," he said. "The sun's over thataway... so we're headed west. Maybe East Asia? Australia? Eurasia?"

"What? Those are all Alliance or ZAFT nations..."

"Exactly. That's what worries me."

"But why would either of them risk attacking a neutral country?"

He looked at me. "This was obviously a calculated move. Some smart people thought this up. Thing is, calculated moves are also easy to follow. Who has more to gain from kidnapping Orb citizens?"

"Who? I'd say ZAFT," I said. "No, wait. The Alliance."

"Because they're losing, right?"

"They have less to lose, that's for sure."

"Well then, unless someone up high in ZAFT really went crazy, then we can safely assume that the Alliance is behind this."

I nodded. Wow, Kent really was a detective, wasn't he?

"I see where you're coming from. But... why then?"

"Why? Well, I think that there are very few reasons for the Alliance to do something so bold."

"And those would be?"

"Well," he said, listing the reasons off on his fingers, "One. They're extremely short on pilots to pilot their Mobius suits."

"But those suits suck!" I said. "If the Alliance had a half-assed brain, then they'd know to stop producing them."

"Two," Kent said, ignoring my outburst, "They're going to use us for slave labor."

"What? That doesn't make any sense," I said.

"I know... it doesn't fit. Something doesn't fit," Kent said. "But what...?"

"Hold up," I said. "They targeted the arcade. Why? What kind of people do you find at an arcade?"

"Well, your typical nerdy guys..."

"But what do these guys have in common?" I asked, smiling. I was on to something.

"Reflexes, finger control..." Kent trailed off. "Oh no..."

"Exactly what you need for piloting Mobile Suits – like the GINN."

Everything fit – the location, the timing, the motive, everything. It was perfect. A perfect plan to recruit new pilots.

--

We sat there for a long, long time. How long exactly, we couldn't tell. Finally, a hidden door opened. On the other side were the other captives.

"Mike! Kent!"

It was Allan, taking a peek into the new room. He looked relatively unscarred compared to Kent, but was just as confused as the rest of us.

"Kent, your ankle..."

"I'll live," Kent said, dragging himself forward. I followed him, careful not to step in his blood. If he didn't get medical attention soon...

There, in the room. About ten others, beat up in one way or another. There, Jess too.

"Hello..." She said.

"You're here too?"

She nodded. Her eyes were full of fear, but also full of curiosity. "What's going on?" she asked.

"I wish I knew..." I said, looking around. I knelt, and told her what Kent and I thought up. About the Earth Alliance, and about why they picked the arcade as a striking spot.

"So... what do you think?"

She shrugged. "One theory's as good as another." She groaned slightly, and I saw her clasping her side. Looked like a broken rib or two. "What did they do to you?"

"Nothing major... he tried to rearrange my face, that's all," I said with a slight smirk. "But... what's with them trying to hurt us all?"

"I don't know, I don't know... but Kent got it the worst, look at it..."

That pool of blood was getting bigger and bigger... there was a jolt, and a dull rumbling sound - the plane was on the ground.  
  
"Welcome to Kaoshiung," said a voice. "Your new home."

--

Mom... Dad...

Even mobile suits cannot change the fact that there are pilots inside, pilots with families, children even, parents...

I heard that Orb had been taken by the Earth Alliance, and Ongoro Island destroyed. What about my parents?  
  
My mom, always cooking too much for all of us. Dad, who I haven't heard from in ages. What about him?  
  
What if I killed him?  
  
The thought crossed my mind for one awful second... what if one of the Astrays that I'd destroyed was my dad's?  
  
The cockpit opened, and there he was, holding out to me my fire. My strength. I grabbed it, and gulped it down. The fire filled my veins again, taking over my senses, my memories... it was the last time I would ever think of him.


End file.
